The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smoothly
/Excerpt from Before Your Future
“These late eclipses in the Sun and Moon portend no good to us. Though the wisdom of nature can reason it thus and thus, yet nature finds itself scourg’d by the sequent effects. Love cools, friendship falls off, brothers divide.”
—William Shakespeare, King Lear
In Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the union of the young lovers Lysander and Hermia is in trouble. Lysander offers comfort: “The course of true love never did run smooth.” In vivid Shakespearean style, he describes the lover’s passion as “momentary,” “swift as a shadow,” “brief as a lightning,” and “short as a dream on midsummer’s night.” In Vedic thought, cosmic time is a never-ending cyclical process: sristi (creation), stithi (continuation), and laya (dissolution). Vedic astrology confirms Shakespeare’s concerns that love can be a “quick bright thing brought to confusion by the inexorable workings of time and nature.”
We are all aware of the visible cycles of nature, like the dawn and the dusk that give way to dark nights, or the promise of new life in spring that eventually transforms into the death of winter. We need Vedic astrology to illuminate similar cycles of the mysterious and hidden planetary forces that wield profound influences on our minds and lives. Accepting that love and our intimate relationships may also be caught in the inescapable timing of nature’s seasons is perhaps the most difficult work we must do on Earth.
There is an old saying that a woman falls in love hoping that her partner will change over time, and a man falls in love hoping she will not. While the fundamental nature of the people we fell in love with will remain constant, their desires, goals, health, interests, and passions change dramatically over time as we and our partners cycle through the different planetary dashas. Only relationships that are highly accommodating to change or built on a strong foundation of independence, interdependence and above all dharma survive over the long haul.
Can these changes be predicted? Can we prepare ourselves so that we are not knocked off our feet when our partner is ready to shift planetary gears? Herein lies the answer to how delicate the navigation of long-term relationships really is. We have learned that planets are called graha in Sanskrit, which means “to grab, seize, or possess.” Every time a mahadasha changes, a different planetary energy seizes our aura. As a result, seismic shifts in our personality, desires, aspirations, and circumstances ensue. Profound changes also occur in our appearance, physiology, and biochemistry. Indeed, a good Vedic astrologer should be able to determine which mahadasha we are running based on face reading alone.
Our relationships are most vulnerable at the crossover of these changing planetary mahadashas because the rules of engagement shift in the consciousness of one or both partners. Vedic compatibility calculations, like the kuta points employed by most Indian astrologers, based solely on the static horoscopes often fail because the active forces of the dashas are not considered. Two horoscopes may show good innate potential for the success of a relationship, but temporary problems due to the dasha of one or both can doom the pairing. The reverse can also happen where the compatibility may be poor but temporarily feels like a perfect fit because the dashas of the two people are aligned. When one or both partners change, dashas can not only create conflict but also an opportunity to renew and refresh the relationship on terms acceptable to the dashas of both the partners.
The vimshottari dasha contains a one hundred twenty-year cycle (the life expectancy in ancient India) divided into nine planetary periods ranging from six to twenty years in length. If we live one hundred twenty years, we will have the opportunity to cycle through the season of each planet. Most people will experience six out of the nine planetary seasons.
The order and number of years for each mahadasha:
Ketu: 7 years
Venus: 20 years
Sun: 6 years
Moon: 10 years
Mars: 7 years
Rahu: 18 years
Jupiter: 16 years
Saturn: 19 years
Mercury: 17 years
The dasha cycle begins with Ketu and ends with Mercury and then starts again with Ketu. Ketu is where we are most connected to our divine source and least engaged in the sensory experiences of the physical body and worldly life. Mercury is where we are completely immersed in physicality and life on Earth. The rest of the planets support our evolution from one end of the cycle to the other. Like all of nature’s cycles that work in a sequence of defined time periods, the order of the planetary dasha and how long each dasha lasts never changes (i.e. Mercury always follows Saturn, Sun is always six years, Venus twenty, etc.). However, every horoscope runs the planetary periods at different times, depending on which point we enter into the one hundred twenty-year planetary cycle.
I don’t want to oversimplify the influence of the dashas, as the expression of each planet is unique in every horoscope. However, we get a general idea of what planet is dominating our aura, or that of our partner, at any given time by identifying their current dasha / bhukti trends.
Ketu: 7 Years
Ketu functions mostly outside of the range of ordinary consciousness. He thrives on the abstract and intangible and easily detaches from institutions and social norms, including relationships. He has 231
none of the innocence and excitement needed for romantic love nor does he have Rahu’s compulsions or raw desires. He usually lacks the energy to focus on the slippery realm of human relationships and may not care enough to keep the fires of affection burning. Indeed, he may even scoff at all the fanfare around the elaborate rituals and ceremonies of courting and romance. Ketu is less likely to fall in love, but if we do find ourselves in a relationship with him, be patient; his dasha is only six years and Venus dasha will soon follow
For example, someone I know got married in her Ketu dasha, while she and her partner were both in graduate school. The ceremony took place in her science lab, cost less than $100, and the celebratory toast was inexpensive champagne served in test tubes. The relationship was strained during the Ketu period because they were both preoccupied with their studies. Once Venus dasha began, they threw a lavish party and went on to have a productive partnership. Fortunately for relationships, the Ketu period is only seven years long.
Venus: 20 Years
Ketu dasha is followed by twenty years of Venus, when one’s aura shifts from Ketu’s stoic minimalism to Venus’ pursuit of celebrating life, happiness, joy, and beauty. The Sanskrit word for Venus is Shukra, which is the same root in Latin for sugar. Venus can pursue many avenues of finding sweetness in life, such as art, music, food, and wealth to explore the tasty world of the senses. However, relating and relationships are major themes of this season.
With Venus, our capacity for compromise, diplomacy, and negotiation soars—all necessary ingredients for sustaining a relationship. Physiologically, the dry relationship spell of Ketu is followed by peaking pheromones; people usually become more attractive to the opposite sex in this period. If we are lucky, we will fall in love at the beginning of a Venus dasha.
Venus dasha also seeks the “beloved” and enjoys the path of devotion. For many, devotion to a partner produces the sweetest of results. When Venus does not produce the lover or the beloved, the pain of separation is also felt most acutely in this dasha.
The end of the twenty-year Venus dasha dissolves the infatuation with pleasure, love, and romance. This period should be carefully navigated if we want to sustain our relationship into the next season of the Sun dasha.
Sun: 6 Years
We might meet the love of our lives in the middle of our twenty-year Venus dasha and a decade later we shift into our Sun dasha. The diplomacy and compromise of Venus that our partner got used to is now replaced by the need for independence and personal power of the Sun. The urge to find our unique voice and identity becomes a formidable force. A new job, opportunity, a new calling, and desire to lead and impact the world brings changes internally and externally. A well-placed Sun in the chart allows us to shine and carve a unique path in life, which may cause us to question whether we even need our partners anymore, or if they still love us.
A weak Sun takes a real toll on our confidence, straining the relationship. So, we should move toward self-reliance and personal power rather than demanding respect or complaining about an identity crisis. If our partners move into their Sun dasha, urge them toward purpose and independence rather than waiting for them to return to their old ways. Remember to be like the Sun—give light, warmth, and protection to all.
Moon: 10 Years
As the hot and fast six-year planetary period of the Sun sets, it ushers in the cooler, softer, and slower-paced ten-year Moon period. With the Moon, we leave independence behind and seek more connection, interdependence, and community. Memories of childhood flood our minds, the inner child awakens, and we seek to nurture and be nurtured. The Moon needs the Sun to be illuminated. The Moon is open to interdependence, just as the Sun is fiercely independent. So, once again, like in Venus dasha, relationships and relating become big themes in our life. The strong, solar, independent people we married in their Sun dasha now show their emotional, sensitive, and vulnerable side. Feelings are easily hurt, misunderstandings pile up. There are lots of tears, as every little thing now touches a raw nerve within.
The desire to retreat, withdraw, and look for solace in the area of the chart where our Moon is placed is visceral and can’t be intellectually discarded. If we can grasp the origin of our partner’s emotions and moods and honor their sensitive side, this is usually one of the best seasons for nesting, nurturing, and building a family life.
Mars: 7 Years
That sweet-natured lunar poet that we hooked up with in his Moon period—the one who was happy to hang out with us and our friends, cook dinner, and even wash up afterward—now moves into the energetic and daring Mars period. Under Mars’ influence, our partners now spend more time at the gym than in the kitchen. Or flex their autonomy and determination in the relationship.
Mars’ independent and adventurous spirit has no bounds. Energy levels go up and goals must be met. Compromise goes out of the window as the inner drive leaves little room for negotiation. Audacious Mars is also quick to draw a red line in the sand, especially when weak and threatened. Passions run high; tempers flare up much more easily. Rather than falling into the inevitable power struggles that Mars brings, we must encourage our partners to discover their strength and courage and share the dishwashing. (The poet is still there inside them, just not at the forefront of their minds.) If Mars is strong, we may even find ourselves benefiting from our partner’s competitive spirit and successes.
Mars is often the greatest destroyer of relationships, as this is the dasha for contest and competition rather than compromise and conciliation. If we are in a Mars period and want to hang on to our relationship, the strategy is to consciously practice losing to win from time to time. Leave that competitive spirit for the outside world—it has no place in our home and hearth.
Rahu: 18 Years
Unconventional and eccentric Rahu follows Mars. Moderation and caution vanish, as does the focus and courage of Mars. Whatever Rahu has set his sights on—whether quiet reflection, relationships, or world domination—will be pursued to an extreme. The Rahu lover is intense and enthusiastic. She gives all her time, attention, and even her resources. Rahu uses all available means to court her partner and will not take no for an answer. She says she is “all in” from day one, but deep-down swing between extremes of commitment (Rahu) and estrangement (Ketu). Be aware that Rahu does not handle breakups easily, even if she initiated the break-up. She fixates on the relationship long after it is over. Rahu in love is intense and extreme, but not necessarily stable.
Rahu dasha is never easy on relationships. If our partner is in Rahu, we have to allow them to learn from their own mistakes—at least until they get midway through the dasha. If we are running a Rahu dasha, become mindful of whatever Rahu is chasing and practice putting him on a diet.
Jupiter: 16 Years
Fortunately, the Rahu period does end, and the most benevolent and welcomed Jupiter season follows. Still feeling empty after gorging on Rahu, we turn to Jupiter’s higher knowledge and divine grace. Jupiter fills the consciousness with hope, faith, and optimism. A certain confidence enters our stride as we know that our best days are yet to come.
Optimism and faith help sustain the relationship in Jupiter’s periods. There is great potential for productive and successful relationships as long as we remember that even if we are feeling a strong desire for personal growth, it may not necessarily match our partner’s goals. Often the dissatisfaction that people feel in this dasha is that their partners are stuck in the old ways, while they have moved on to a new way of being. For example, we might want our next vacation to be a spiritual retreat in Tibet, while our partner is still hung up on Las Vegas.
Be respectful and mindful that even though we might be feeling a very strong urge to transform our life, our partner may not yet be ready. Personal growth has to be self-directed; we must give our partners the room to exhaust their karma and move at their own pace.
Saturn: 19 Years
Sometimes two souls fall in love when one or both of them is under the stern eye of a Saturn planetary period. Saturn requires a more conservative and practical approach to relationships. This is the planet that comes closest to considering an “arranged marriage” and is the least infatuated with “falling in love.” Although this might feel uncomfortable to swallow at first, remember that most marriages were conducted in this way until the nineteenth century, even in the West. Divorce rates have skyrocketed exponentially since Saturn was taken completely out of the marital equation. Saturn is the strongest indicator in our chart of the potential to sustain a long-term relationship built on duty, responsibility, democracy, and humility. Not to mention that in both Western and Vedic astrology, Saturn is exalted in Libra, the sign of relating.
Under Saturn’s influence, our partner may become stoic, overworked, or ambitious. A weak Saturn turns critical and overbearing, blaming everyone else for what is wrong with their life as they cannot cope with the mounting pressure. Saturn can also fill us with doubts about the relationship––still, he remains the most committed planet to the vows we made at the altar––either because the practical concerns of Saturn won’t allow for a breakup or because he is just too afraid to change the status quo.
Mercury: 17 Years
The nineteen-year Saturn dasha ends and the curiosity and playfulness of Mercury takes over. Most people are so ready to break loose from Saturn’s shackles and restraints that they demand change in every aspect of life. They often blame their partners for being the source of the limitations they have lived with for two decades. So yes, a “new” relationship is required to allow the youthful Mercury energy to explore, discover, and learn about life and novel opportunities that were held back by Saturn.
Our partners might insist on trading in their functional minivan for a motorcycle. Buy a helmet and encourage their newfound desire for learning, experimentation, curiosity, mental stimulation, and pursuing personal interests.
Mercury is prone to excessive stimulation and unfocused action and requires stability to prioritize and assess which doors to open and which to close. As options mount, our partners need whatever dasha we are running (except perhaps Rahu) to help them stay grounded and equanimous.
Cycling Back to Ketu
The cycle is complete, and we are back to Ketu. At the start of Ketu planetary periods, I have seen so many people simply walk away from life and all that they have built with Mercury, which often includes their current relationship. We must work with our partner’s desire to downsize and embrace some of the simplicity that Ketu forces on us. A new marriage during Ketu dasha and Ketu bhukti is generally forbidden by Vedic astrologers unless there are other strong forces like Jupiter keeping Ketu in check.
It is said that expectations are the termites of relationships and accepting change wholeheartedly is the foundation that keeps those termites at bay. Stability helps build the foundation of a relationship, but it is change that helps us grow and reach new heights. It is impossible to sustain a long-term relationship without the ability to adapt to the new seasons of the planets and time.